To go outside. So I stay in, and procrastinate.
I shuffle from room to room trying to create heat.
I have things to do. So many things to do.
I'm a busy person. With plans, goals and projects.
I should do all these things. Or at least one of these things.
I justify it as writer's block, but really I'm in life block.
I'm stuck.
I could claim I'm merely in a lull waiting to choose the right path.
Between some great options I've got lined up for myself.
But really, non of these paths have any guarantees.
Nor are they really what I want to do with this thing called life.
So truly, I am stuck.
I want to move. Physically get up and do all these things I sit and think about.
But I don't. I wallow.
I sit and, thanks to the wonders of social media, I stare at other people's privileged lives.
At first I think... I could do that, I could be that and have that.
Then I remember... No I can't, ever.
Life doesn't work that way for people like me. From families like mine.
But why do I care- I hate the system anyway!
What does celebrity mean? The vilest social evil of our age.
Doing stupid things and selling your soul. No talent or brains requires.
I don't want that. I don't need any of that superficial stuff.
What's really important? Friends?
All the friends that consistently let me down.
The friends that aren't
really friends.
Hidden agendas. Usually not so hidden.
Friends that were also lovers that are now neither.
That hate me, that have nothing to say to me when there was so much to say before.
Friends that I thought were best friends that I lost in the blink of an eye.
They picked someone else over me.
What am I worth? To anyone?
My emotionally distant parents, my physically distant brother and my dead and dying relatives.
I wish to run away. Somewhere very far. Start again, yes I'll start again.
The people who care will call. Sometimes.
I will work hard and be a success.
I'll be better than those who taunt me on social media.
I'll show everyone. They'll regret what they did. How they treated me.
My friendship is worth its weight in gold. I'll make them see!
But...
It's too cold to go outside.
